By Debbie Baldwin

You may find this difficult to believe, but 2013 is winding to a close. That’s right. There are just two awkward family functions, one parent-teacher conference, one fight over a space in the mall parking lot, six holiday parties, three vicious hangovers and a partridge in a pear tree remaining, and it’s over. It’s also time for another end-of-year tradition: the Oxford Dictionaries Online online list of new words. Much like the technology to which many of them refer, I don’t know how long some of these will be around. Nevertheless, the distinguished people at Oxford seem to feel they are worthy of an entry. As a service to our readers, I will use each word in a sentence…and also because my children bet me that I couldn’t.

apols (short for apologies)

No, I’m not coming to your rave, you hipster idiot, apols.

babymoon (a holiday for parents-to-be to relax and focus on establishing a bond with the baby.)

It was during my babymoon on the quiet beach of Tortola that I realized bonding with an unborn child is stupid, I look horrible in a bikini, and I want to kill my husband for doing this to me.

bitcoin (digital currency)

Shall I pay you with bitcoins, glass beads, an IOU or jellybeans?

cake pop (a small, round iced ball of cake on a stick)

Cake pops are stupid.

emoji (a small digital icon depicting emotion, usually at the conclusion of a communiqué)

OMG, I know Channing isn’t ending it for reals bc when he said I disgusted him he put a winking smiley emoji at the end of the text.

twerk (a dance move involving a repeated vertical shaking of the rear end in a squatting stance)

Please don’t twerk.

jorts (denim shorts; to be clear, these are not cut-offs or Daisy Dukes, they are longer, tailored denim shorts)

Jorts are a deal-breaker.

Internet of things (an advancement of the Internet which allows everyday objects to have network connectivity)

Apple came out with the Internet of things in 2017, and the world promptly ended.

selfie (a photo of yourself taken with your phone)

Jane had everything going for her until her idiot selfie with incriminating items in the background got her kicked out of school, rejected from all colleges and ruined her life.

So that’s just a few of what’s new at the wordsmith shop. Just once, I wish they’d publish a list of the words they are dropping, like groovy, swell, foxy and economic stability. Well, enjoy your new vocab; although after you incorporate them, you may need to employ another new entry: a digital detox.